1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,391 My wedding to Marwa is quickly approaching, 2 00:00:05,424 --> 00:00:07,763 but treachery is afoot. There are people 3 00:00:07,796 --> 00:00:10,802 that are against me getting married and being happy. 4 00:00:10,835 --> 00:00:13,140 No one is against you or you getting married. 5 00:00:13,173 --> 00:00:15,077 Don't be so naive, my little friend. 6 00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:18,083 Conspiracy is abound! Ask the djinn. He will tell you. 7 00:00:18,116 --> 00:00:20,589 Do you wish to know if conspiracies abound? 8 00:00:20,622 --> 00:00:23,528 No! Stop trying to trick me into using up all my wishes. 9 00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:25,431 You're just not thinking straight, Master. 10 00:00:25,464 --> 00:00:27,244 Maybe it's because you haven't slept in a week? 11 00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:29,305 Nandor is so hyper-focused on having 12 00:00:29,339 --> 00:00:31,352 the perfect wedding, he doesn't even slumber anymore. 13 00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:34,282 He just lies awake all day, thinking of more things 14 00:00:34,315 --> 00:00:36,419 to make the wedding even more perfect. 15 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,257 Ah. 16 00:00:38,290 --> 00:00:39,860 More things. More. 17 00:00:39,893 --> 00:00:42,733 More, more, more. 18 00:00:42,766 --> 00:00:44,546 Maybe you are the one who is not thinking straight 19 00:00:44,570 --> 00:00:46,306 because you have not slept in a week! 20 00:00:50,447 --> 00:00:52,552 Yeah, no. I'm awake, I'm awake. I was just... 21 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,298 I was just... Uh, my eyes were just a little, just... 22 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,759 What were we talking about? 23 00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:57,137 We were just talking about how hard 24 00:00:57,161 --> 00:00:58,798 you're working on the wedding. 25 00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:02,238 Yeah, no, it's true. I haven't slept in a week, but I guess 26 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,251 that's what it's like to be the best man to a vampire 27 00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:06,246 who is absolutely losing his fucking mind 28 00:01:06,279 --> 00:01:09,285 because he wants to have the perfect fucking wedding! 29 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,789 Can I do that last part again? 30 00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:13,327 Just without the cursing this time? 31 00:01:48,865 --> 00:01:50,167 Twirl it. 32 00:01:50,969 --> 00:01:53,407 Mm, no. 33 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,246 You know, I've always dreamed of having a big wedding. 34 00:01:56,279 --> 00:01:57,616 Or at least since that time 35 00:01:57,649 --> 00:01:59,185 that we watched The Wedding Planner 36 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,722 on that rainy Sunday together. 37 00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,793 - That was nice. - It was okay. 38 00:02:02,826 --> 00:02:04,395 Knock, knock. 39 00:02:04,429 --> 00:02:06,342 - Come in, my love. Hi. - Hey. 40 00:02:06,366 --> 00:02:08,671 I wanted to ask you about the flower arrangements. 41 00:02:08,705 --> 00:02:11,744 Yes. Red and black roses. 42 00:02:11,777 --> 00:02:14,950 But I was really hoping we could go for white and pink. 43 00:02:14,983 --> 00:02:18,825 That's... What about the black and the red? 44 00:02:18,858 --> 00:02:20,662 No. 45 00:02:20,695 --> 00:02:23,835 I will have Guillermo look into it straightaway for you. 46 00:02:23,868 --> 00:02:25,605 Thank you, my love. Thank you, Guillermo. 47 00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:27,308 - Of course. - Bye. 48 00:02:27,341 --> 00:02:28,878 You see? 49 00:02:28,911 --> 00:02:31,416 Even my own bride is trying to sabotage this wedding 50 00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:32,753 with her insane demands! 51 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,489 - Enough. - But... what? 52 00:02:36,326 --> 00:02:37,772 So you're just going to abandon me in my darkest hour? 53 00:02:37,796 --> 00:02:39,733 No one's trying to sabotage your wedding, okay? 54 00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:41,880 - Pull yourself together. - You pull yourself together. 55 00:02:41,904 --> 00:02:43,473 And you do not snap at me. 56 00:02:43,507 --> 00:02:45,344 - I'll snap at you. - You just did. 57 00:02:45,377 --> 00:02:46,881 Nandor, quick question. 58 00:02:46,914 --> 00:02:48,761 Did you invite Sean and Charmaine to your wedding? 59 00:02:48,785 --> 00:02:51,857 Why would I do that? It is an all-vampire wedding, Laszlo. 60 00:02:51,891 --> 00:02:54,295 But I think he would be greatly offended 61 00:02:54,328 --> 00:02:56,299 - if you didn't invite him. - Okay, fine. 62 00:02:56,332 --> 00:02:57,979 Guillermo, figure out a way to make it work. 63 00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:00,007 - Good man. - His request 64 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,278 for a human plus-two is all too transparent. 65 00:03:02,311 --> 00:03:04,850 Add another name to the list of people that are against me 66 00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:06,554 and my wedding. 67 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,791 Oh, perhaps I should add your name to the list, also? 68 00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:10,303 How much do you want some of this stuff? 69 00:03:10,327 --> 00:03:11,372 'Cause you literally have a genie... 70 00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:12,532 - A djinn. - Who can solve 71 00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:14,268 all these problems, but no. 72 00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:15,848 You don't want to use any of your precious wishes. 73 00:03:15,872 --> 00:03:17,284 Well, P. S.: you're gonna have to, because some of these 74 00:03:17,308 --> 00:03:18,811 things are literally impossible. 75 00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:20,825 - Like what? Name one. - Oh, one? Um, I don't know. 76 00:03:20,849 --> 00:03:24,322 You want a live dodo bird to roast for the wraiths to eat. 77 00:03:24,355 --> 00:03:25,968 Oh, you would deny the servants a hearty meal of their own? 78 00:03:25,992 --> 00:03:28,330 - Can't we just do turkey? - No! 79 00:03:28,363 --> 00:03:30,802 It has be a dodo. What's the problem here? 80 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,773 They're very slow birds, very easy to catch. 81 00:03:32,806 --> 00:03:34,576 - They're everywhere! - Not anymore! 82 00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:37,381 - Since when? - 1681! 83 00:03:37,414 --> 00:03:40,521 - You'll figure it out. - I'll figure it out. 84 00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:42,391 Oh. 85 00:03:42,424 --> 00:03:43,837 The nightclub needs cheaper drinks. 86 00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:46,600 No, we want the drinks to be very expensive, 87 00:03:46,634 --> 00:03:48,771 so then we attract rich humans. 88 00:03:48,805 --> 00:03:51,276 Am I right? They gorge themselves 89 00:03:51,309 --> 00:03:52,879 on sauces and creams, 90 00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:55,585 and get their muscles massaged. Oh. 91 00:03:55,618 --> 00:03:57,455 Rich humans are basically like veal... 92 00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,496 Conceptually repulsive, but so buttery on my tongue. 93 00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:05,270 Hello? 94 00:04:06,674 --> 00:04:08,043 Hello? 95 00:04:08,076 --> 00:04:09,847 What the fuck? 96 00:04:11,382 --> 00:04:13,420 Are you okay? 97 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,493 I'm fine. 98 00:04:16,526 --> 00:04:18,497 Mm, my goodness. 99 00:04:18,531 --> 00:04:21,402 Guillermo, did you kick five holes in the wall 100 00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:24,509 - and then fuck a chicken? - Hmm. 101 00:04:24,543 --> 00:04:27,414 - No. - What happened to the lamp? 102 00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:29,085 You know what? 103 00:04:29,118 --> 00:04:31,590 I think this little feller is having a tantrum. 104 00:04:31,624 --> 00:04:33,694 Is this true, Guillermo? Is Nandor's wedding 105 00:04:33,728 --> 00:04:35,732 making you put your knickers inside a twist? 106 00:04:35,765 --> 00:04:37,802 It's just too much for you, isn't it? 107 00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,873 - Let him speak. - I'm perfectly fine to... 108 00:04:39,907 --> 00:04:42,646 Say no more. We can help. 109 00:04:42,679 --> 00:04:44,550 - Okay. - Let's see here, let's see here. 110 00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:47,121 Oh, well, getting a dodo bird is easy. That's no problem. 111 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,626 - It is? - Yes, I have an antique dodo bird net 112 00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:51,472 in the Chamber of Curiosities. You can borrow it. 113 00:04:51,496 --> 00:04:52,799 It is obviously 114 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,670 not in my nature to want to help Guillermo. 115 00:04:54,703 --> 00:04:57,341 Don't put your back out being grateful. 116 00:04:57,374 --> 00:04:59,388 But because he is the nightclub's accountant, I really 117 00:04:59,412 --> 00:05:00,615 need him to not have a stroke. 118 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:01,927 The Baron has not gotten back to you 119 00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:04,021 about officiating the wedding ceremony? 120 00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:06,794 - Hey. - Yes. 121 00:05:06,827 --> 00:05:08,998 We will take care of The Baron so then you can turn all 122 00:05:09,031 --> 00:05:10,678 of your attentions to catching the dodo bird. 123 00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,037 Oh, wow. That feels 124 00:05:12,071 --> 00:05:13,591 really weird being so nice. Ooh. 125 00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:22,969 He is a good boy. 126 00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:25,130 Would either of you like to give him 127 00:05:25,163 --> 00:05:26,734 - a little scritchie? - No, but... 128 00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:28,738 - - Oh. - Eeh. 129 00:05:28,771 --> 00:05:31,644 Of course, I am so flattered that Nandor asked me 130 00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:33,513 to officiate his wedding 131 00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:35,426 - to the beautiful and charming what's-her-name. - Hmm. 132 00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:36,820 - Marwa. - Gesundheit. 133 00:05:36,854 --> 00:05:38,691 But what you ask of me... 134 00:05:38,724 --> 00:05:41,697 - It is simply not possible. - Baron, 135 00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:44,570 everyone who's anyone who's a vampire is going be there. 136 00:05:44,603 --> 00:05:46,574 Yes, I am aware of that. 137 00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:49,111 I am sorry. 138 00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:53,119 But look at my wretched state. 139 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,725 Oh, I could not bear so many witnesses 140 00:05:55,758 --> 00:05:57,796 to this tattered vessel. 141 00:05:57,829 --> 00:06:01,502 Once they dined on the lavish feast 142 00:06:01,537 --> 00:06:03,440 that was my visage, 143 00:06:03,473 --> 00:06:05,845 but now, well, I serve them 144 00:06:05,878 --> 00:06:10,555 only a charred and flaking peasant's crust. 145 00:06:10,588 --> 00:06:12,458 -Oh. You look great. -Yes, -Oh. 146 00:06:12,491 --> 00:06:14,963 - Never looked better. - Oh, you are too kind. 147 00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:16,810 - We're being honest. - Yeah, it's the truth. 148 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,606 But I am not the dashing, radiant being 149 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,476 that I once was. 150 00:06:21,509 --> 00:06:23,547 I think I might know just what you need. 151 00:06:23,581 --> 00:06:25,217 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 152 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,954 That he's still fuckable 153 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,492 - even though he looks like a burnt log? - No. 154 00:06:29,525 --> 00:06:31,597 Obviously, he's fuckable. I mean, come on. 155 00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:33,466 I am thinking that somebody 156 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,439 needs a... 157 00:06:36,472 --> 00:06:39,579 - makeover. Makeover. - Makeover. 158 00:07:24,536 --> 00:07:26,549 - Okay, what about this one? - It's just kind of what 159 00:07:26,573 --> 00:07:28,209 you're wearing right now. 160 00:07:28,243 --> 00:07:30,782 Back in Al-Qolnidar, I would just wear the severed penis 161 00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:34,221 of an enemy on a sling made from his dismembered intestines. 162 00:07:34,255 --> 00:07:36,225 - This is a wedding tradition? - No. 163 00:07:36,259 --> 00:07:38,063 For me, that was a Tuesday night. 164 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,941 Nothing? Okay, whatever. 165 00:07:43,974 --> 00:07:46,179 - Nandor? - Yes, my love? 166 00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:47,925 -I was just looking through the guest list -Mm-hmm. 167 00:07:47,949 --> 00:07:50,220 And I noticed that my parents are not on here. 168 00:07:50,253 --> 00:07:53,226 They had a prior engagement of being very dead. 169 00:07:53,259 --> 00:07:55,230 I just always thought my parents would be there 170 00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:57,234 for my wedding day. 171 00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:59,973 Okay, fine. I will see what I can do. 172 00:08:00,006 --> 00:08:02,077 Thank you. 173 00:08:02,111 --> 00:08:03,981 How many wishes do I have? 174 00:08:04,014 --> 00:08:06,252 - You know I can't tell you that. - Eh. 175 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,657 Okay, fine. I wish 176 00:08:08,691 --> 00:08:11,329 for you to bring Marwa's parents back to life for the wedding. 177 00:08:11,362 --> 00:08:14,101 - And do you want them to speak English? - Sure. Why not? 178 00:08:14,135 --> 00:08:17,575 Do you want to bring them back to life permanently, or-or...? 179 00:08:17,609 --> 00:08:20,213 Eh, just for the weekend is fine. 180 00:08:20,247 --> 00:08:22,184 - It is done. - Baba-joon! Maman! 181 00:08:22,217 --> 00:08:23,797 - Oh, my dearest. - Where is that 182 00:08:23,821 --> 00:08:25,992 - idiot husband of yours? - Baba, please. 183 00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:27,796 On second thoughts, 184 00:08:27,829 --> 00:08:30,968 maybe an early departure on Sunday after brunch. 185 00:08:32,639 --> 00:08:34,676 Oh, and for the chocolate fountain... 186 00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:36,880 It's possible to just put stuff on that 187 00:08:36,914 --> 00:08:39,251 that's not necessarily chocolate, right? 188 00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,757 - Like what? - What? We want, uh, it... 189 00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,703 - I'm not sure yet, but it's... - Yes, that's fine. 190 00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:45,665 Okay, it's fine? Can I get a couple 191 00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:47,343 of those, uh, five-hour energy capsules, please? 192 00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:49,607 Talking about the normal ones or the kinds for your dick? 193 00:08:49,639 --> 00:08:51,744 Derek. Sorry, one se-one second. 194 00:08:51,777 --> 00:08:54,683 - Derek, what are you doing here? - I'm working. 195 00:08:54,716 --> 00:08:56,285 - Working? You're a vampire. - Hush. 196 00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:59,358 And being a vampire doesn't exactly pay the bills, so... 197 00:08:59,391 --> 00:09:01,630 - What bills? - Clothes, coffin, 198 00:09:01,663 --> 00:09:03,768 storage facility for the coffin. Which, by the way, 199 00:09:03,801 --> 00:09:05,036 I'm not allowed to sleep in, 200 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:06,372 but whatever. But, you know, 201 00:09:06,405 --> 00:09:07,976 it's not a bad gig. 202 00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:09,809 Why don't you just take money from the peop... 203 00:09:11,349 --> 00:09:13,286 from the victims that you kill? 204 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,323 Because I'm a vampire, not a thief. 205 00:09:15,357 --> 00:09:17,394 All right, so that's $16.56. 206 00:09:17,428 --> 00:09:21,235 -18, 19, and 20. What's going on, my man? -Thanks. 207 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,882 I'm-I'm good. I just... Oh. 208 00:09:22,906 --> 00:09:24,184 It's the flower people. I have to take... I have 209 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:25,754 - to take this. Hello. Guillermo. - Oh, okay. 210 00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:26,747 Great shooting the shit with you, man. 211 00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:28,049 - Mm-hmm. - Really good. 212 00:09:28,082 --> 00:09:29,753 In fact, good to talk to, well, anyone. 213 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,064 I'm sorry, can you give me one se-one second? 214 00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:32,759 Really quick, one second. 215 00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:34,930 Derek? 216 00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:36,900 - Are you okay? - Ye-Yeah. 217 00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,739 Yeah. No. Ish. 218 00:09:39,773 --> 00:09:41,075 You know, it's really lonely 219 00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:43,914 being a-a vampire. 220 00:09:43,948 --> 00:09:45,685 Say, do you want a key cut or something? 221 00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:49,358 Do you want to go to a vampire wedding? 222 00:09:49,391 --> 00:09:51,797 - I do. - I'll send you the info? 223 00:09:51,830 --> 00:09:53,042 -Yeah. Text it to me. -I'll text it to you. I have to go, 224 00:09:53,066 --> 00:09:54,870 - though, okay? Okay. - Okay. Cool. 225 00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:56,749 - Wait. You had my number this whole ti... Mm. - Hello? 226 00:09:56,773 --> 00:09:58,185 - Yeah. I have to go. - Hmm. Okay, yeah. 227 00:09:58,209 --> 00:09:59,813 I am not being 228 00:09:59,846 --> 00:10:01,149 greedy with my wishes. 229 00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:02,685 I simply do not have that many left. 230 00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:04,689 - How many do you have left? - Not many. 231 00:10:04,723 --> 00:10:06,693 - Ay... - Well, poor Guillermo. 232 00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:08,072 He's about to have a nervous breakdown 233 00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:09,900 with all this stuff he has to get done. 234 00:10:09,933 --> 00:10:11,904 - Boo-fucking-hoo. - She's right. 235 00:10:11,937 --> 00:10:13,917 And it's a terrible thing when you work with someone, 236 00:10:13,941 --> 00:10:15,711 and all you want to do is please them, 237 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,357 but they treat you like a piece of human shit they wish 238 00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,686 they could just scrape off the sole of their shoe. 239 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,857 - What? - Huh? 240 00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:24,261 Nandor, what is the point in having a djinn 241 00:10:24,295 --> 00:10:25,765 if you're not going to use the djinn? 242 00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:27,669 - Uh... - With all due respect, 243 00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:29,371 you are being a real bridezilla. 244 00:10:29,405 --> 00:10:31,710 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, it's like 245 00:10:31,743 --> 00:10:33,914 a combination of a bride and a Godzilla. 246 00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:35,685 What is a Godzilla? 247 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,856 Okay, I think we're getting a little bit off-topic. 248 00:10:37,889 --> 00:10:39,960 He's a giant lizard creature that destroys cities. 249 00:10:39,993 --> 00:10:41,262 - Enough! - Whoa! 250 00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,999 Whoa! Fuck! 251 00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:45,403 - You were saying? - Nandor, 252 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,107 if you want these impossible things, 253 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,854 then you're going to have to use your wishes. 254 00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:52,117 Okay, fine! I wish for Baron Afanas to be returned 255 00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,990 to his original, non-burnt-up, non-just-a-torso form. 256 00:10:55,023 --> 00:10:57,160 - It is done. - I wish for a live dodo bird 257 00:10:57,194 --> 00:10:58,405 that we will slaughter and roast 258 00:10:58,429 --> 00:10:59,866 and feed to the Wraith waitstaff. 259 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,737 - It is done. - And while we're at it, 260 00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,984 I wish that Marwa would like all the same things that I like. 261 00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,721 - Ah. - It is done. - And I wish that... 262 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:08,416 I'm sorry, but you've used up all your wishes now. 263 00:11:08,449 --> 00:11:11,355 - What? - Well, it's been, um... 264 00:11:11,389 --> 00:11:13,293 - Yes, yeah. Happy now? - I just got everything 265 00:11:13,326 --> 00:11:15,430 -I wanted out of this, so... Yeah, big smile. -Hmm. 266 00:11:15,463 --> 00:11:17,434 Okay, I wish for you all to get the fuck 267 00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,867 - out of my bedroom. - Okay, I can do that. - 268 00:11:24,348 --> 00:11:26,018 - This season... - Game face. 269 00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,430 The boys are back with even bigger flips. 270 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,759 More demo, more laughs... 271 00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:32,164 Remove those blindfolds. 272 00:11:32,197 --> 00:11:33,867 And even more surprises than before. 273 00:11:34,869 --> 00:11:36,105 Tuesdays at 9:00. 274 00:11:39,478 --> 00:11:40,748 I am very glad that 275 00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:43,052 my wedding will now be perfect. 276 00:11:43,086 --> 00:11:44,388 I do feel a little sad that I had 277 00:11:44,421 --> 00:11:46,760 to use up all my wishes to make it so. 278 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,465 Hmm. Looking back, 279 00:11:49,498 --> 00:11:51,402 I probably should not 280 00:11:51,435 --> 00:11:54,141 have used up so many wishes on such trivial things. 281 00:11:54,174 --> 00:11:57,147 I wish for the lid of my coffin to be closed. 282 00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:58,951 Are you sure? I can just go fetch Guillermo. 283 00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,088 With Guillermo, it will be a whole thing. 284 00:12:01,122 --> 00:12:03,092 Ah. 285 00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:05,798 Guillermo. 286 00:12:05,831 --> 00:12:08,436 The dodo did a doo-doo. 287 00:12:10,908 --> 00:12:14,081 Sean and Charmaine Rinaldi, 288 00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:16,485 you will not be freaked out 289 00:12:16,519 --> 00:12:19,158 that almost everyone at this wedding 290 00:12:19,191 --> 00:12:21,495 is a vampire. 291 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:23,433 And tomorrow morning, 292 00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:26,038 you will remember 293 00:12:31,415 --> 00:12:33,262 Three-quarters full, and people are still coming in. 294 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,825 Yes, I can hear them. I can hear their hushed whispers. 295 00:12:35,858 --> 00:12:37,829 Hoping and praying for a disaster that will 296 00:12:37,862 --> 00:12:39,465 prevent my nuptials from being finalized. 297 00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:42,237 Will you listen to yourself? 'Cause maybe it's you 298 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,441 who's actually not too sure about this wedding. 299 00:12:44,475 --> 00:12:46,254 And maybe you're the one trying to sabotage it 300 00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:48,216 by accusing everyone else of being against it. 301 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:54,495 Can you blame me for being a little afraid? 302 00:12:55,497 --> 00:12:57,000 It's a big step for me. 303 00:12:57,034 --> 00:12:58,871 Hey, it's gonna be okay. 304 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,875 You're gonna be okay. 305 00:13:00,908 --> 00:13:02,348 I'm gonna be right here by your side. 306 00:13:03,246 --> 00:13:05,551 So, if you're scared, I'll be right there. 307 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,154 I never said I was scared. 308 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,432 I said I was afraid. There's a difference. 309 00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,427 - Okay. - Hmm. 310 00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,899 - Well, if you get afraid, I'll be there. - Yes. 311 00:13:14,903 --> 00:13:16,472 Thank you, Guillermo. 312 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:17,975 You're my best... 313 00:13:19,411 --> 00:13:21,515 man. 314 00:13:23,186 --> 00:13:25,023 - You're a vampire, too? - Yes, I am. 315 00:13:25,056 --> 00:13:27,027 Get the fuck out of here. 316 00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:28,630 That's so cool. Sean Rinaldi. 317 00:13:28,664 --> 00:13:30,309 This is my wife Charmaine. 318 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:33,373 And now, it gives me great pleasure 319 00:13:33,406 --> 00:13:35,143 to introduce tonight's officiant, 320 00:13:35,176 --> 00:13:37,882 a legend of the vampire world for over 321 00:13:37,915 --> 00:13:39,451 ten centuries, 322 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,457 please give it up for Baron Afanas! 323 00:13:42,491 --> 00:13:44,863 - - Now we're talking. - Here we go. 324 00:13:55,951 --> 00:13:58,056 Look at that. 325 00:13:58,089 --> 00:13:59,258 Oh, yes, that'll do. 326 00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:00,436 That will do very nicely. 327 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,700 I'm as stiff as a board. 328 00:14:02,431 --> 00:14:03,610 Make way. Coming through. 329 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:07,040 Please rise for the bride. 330 00:14:07,074 --> 00:14:08,485 Beautiful! 331 00:14:08,509 --> 00:14:11,082 - Wow. - Oh, there we are. 332 00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,523 - Lovely. - You look beautiful. 333 00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:21,202 - Hi. - Mm. - You may sit. 334 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,672 Sit down, sit down. 335 00:14:22,705 --> 00:14:24,208 Let's leave it. 336 00:14:24,241 --> 00:14:25,911 Dearly benighted, 337 00:14:25,945 --> 00:14:28,049 we gather here tonight 338 00:14:28,082 --> 00:14:32,324 to join these two in unholy matrimony. 339 00:14:32,357 --> 00:14:34,505 - I'll be all over that later. - Not to bore you 340 00:14:34,529 --> 00:14:36,232 with a long speech because, well, 341 00:14:36,265 --> 00:14:38,236 it is not just the bride and groom 342 00:14:38,269 --> 00:14:40,975 who are eager to get down to some fornicating. 343 00:14:41,008 --> 00:14:42,612 - Am I right? - Yow! Yow! 344 00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:46,987 So, before they exchange rings, 345 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:51,596 I must ask if anyone here can show just cause 346 00:14:51,630 --> 00:14:55,103 why Nandor and Marwa may not be lawfully wed. 347 00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:58,644 Speak now or forever hold your peace. 348 00:14:58,677 --> 00:15:00,648 - There's no one disagreeing. - Then, 349 00:15:00,681 --> 00:15:02,728 - by the power vested in... - I object. 350 00:15:02,752 --> 00:15:04,097 Whoa. 351 00:15:04,121 --> 00:15:05,132 - Mama, please. - Awkward. 352 00:15:05,156 --> 00:15:06,258 I told you. 353 00:15:06,292 --> 00:15:08,262 - Didn't I tell you? - Yes. 354 00:15:08,296 --> 00:15:11,402 A vampire marrying a woman he was already married to, 355 00:15:11,435 --> 00:15:14,508 but then abandoned to die alone, only 356 00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:16,512 to be brought back to life by djinn magic? 357 00:15:16,546 --> 00:15:18,149 It's just not natural. 358 00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:20,621 Mother, this is what I want. 359 00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,558 But I can't just not say anything. 360 00:15:22,592 --> 00:15:24,228 Well, you could try. 361 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:26,365 So awkward. 362 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,639 So... that happened. 363 00:15:29,672 --> 00:15:32,377 - Now, with no further ado... - I, too, object. 364 00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:33,756 - The fuck? - I sort of feel like 365 00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:36,152 this is more about Nandor wanting a wedding, 366 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,489 and wear a big dress, than actually wanting 367 00:15:38,523 --> 00:15:41,162 to be married to Marwa. Facts are facts. 368 00:15:41,195 --> 00:15:43,442 - I'm gonna sit down. I'm done. Proceed. - Thank you for that. 369 00:15:43,466 --> 00:15:46,105 Well, anybody else? 370 00:15:46,138 --> 00:15:47,584 Actually, yes, I thought of something else. 371 00:15:47,608 --> 00:15:49,011 Oh. 372 00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:52,450 I just want to conclude by saying 373 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:54,789 I think all marriage is a sham. 374 00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:56,793 Apart from my own marriage 375 00:15:56,826 --> 00:15:59,699 to my darling wife Nadja over there. 376 00:15:59,732 --> 00:16:04,174 The very first time I met Nandor the Relentless, 377 00:16:04,208 --> 00:16:06,445 - I fell deeply in love with him. - Ooh! 378 00:16:06,478 --> 00:16:08,182 'Course, as I got to know him better, 379 00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:10,320 that feeling faded. 380 00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:11,723 But the memory 381 00:16:11,756 --> 00:16:13,694 of that one-sided passion 382 00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:15,664 is still too much 383 00:16:15,698 --> 00:16:18,804 for me to give this marriage my full endorsement. Thank you. 384 00:16:18,837 --> 00:16:20,808 Hello. Um, my name is Derek. 385 00:16:20,841 --> 00:16:23,580 - Who invited this guy? - I'm just a bit bummed 386 00:16:23,614 --> 00:16:25,492 these two can find love and get married, but I can't 387 00:16:25,516 --> 00:16:29,626 find one chill bud to have a bull sesh with? 388 00:16:29,659 --> 00:16:32,464 I only very recently became aware 389 00:16:32,497 --> 00:16:34,201 that vampires are real. 390 00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:36,606 Which, by the way, doesn't freak me out at all. 391 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,075 - Mm. - It got me to thinking. 392 00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,420 - Everlasting life. - Aw. 393 00:16:39,444 --> 00:16:41,315 You know? That's a long time. 394 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,620 Long time to be with another person. 395 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:45,758 You like her right now, but... 396 00:16:45,791 --> 00:16:48,462 Marwa, I just want to say that I think it's a little rude 397 00:16:48,496 --> 00:16:50,634 that you haven't stopped by my house. 398 00:16:50,668 --> 00:16:53,472 You're new to the neighborhood. You haven't bought any, like, 399 00:16:53,506 --> 00:16:55,243 cookies or anything. That's what people do. 400 00:16:55,276 --> 00:16:56,780 Nope. Sorry, we do not validate. 401 00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:59,117 Once again, for the last time, please do not get in line 402 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:00,320 to ask if we validate. 403 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,388 G-Get on with it. 404 00:17:01,422 --> 00:17:03,492 I cannot tell you how moved I am 405 00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:05,640 - to see you all gathered here. - Since when did The Sire speak English? 406 00:17:05,664 --> 00:17:08,469 Oh, I taught him. Flashcards, mostly. 407 00:17:08,502 --> 00:17:11,843 - Hmm. - Time lays waste to all. 408 00:17:11,876 --> 00:17:15,751 And love turns to dust. 409 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,456 Ruin is inevitable. 410 00:17:18,489 --> 00:17:22,732 And all else is prelude. 411 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:27,240 He's got a point. 412 00:17:27,274 --> 00:17:28,677 Thank you for that. 413 00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:31,415 Next it's... The Guide again. 414 00:17:31,448 --> 00:17:32,785 I forgot to say earlier, 415 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,557 I also fell deeply in love 416 00:17:35,591 --> 00:17:37,762 with Marwa when I first met her. 417 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:40,500 Enough of this bullshit! I've had enough! 418 00:17:40,534 --> 00:17:42,103 I know what you are doing. 419 00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:43,406 You're plotting against me. 420 00:17:43,439 --> 00:17:44,809 Fuck you. 421 00:17:44,842 --> 00:17:46,680 - And I agree with him. - Thank you. 422 00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:48,784 I admit, 423 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,522 I have had my doubts about this marriage, as well. 424 00:17:51,556 --> 00:17:54,696 I almost called it off more than once. 425 00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:58,369 - What? - But then, yesterday, a feeling came over me. 426 00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:01,241 And I realized that if this is what 427 00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:02,821 - Oh. - Oh, fuck. 428 00:18:02,845 --> 00:18:05,784 - Then it is what I want, also. - Oh. 429 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,922 'Cause when it comes to Nandor, 430 00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:10,460 I like what he likes. 431 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,699 Marwa, I must ask, 432 00:18:29,732 --> 00:18:31,335 when did this moment come over you 433 00:18:31,368 --> 00:18:32,905 where you realized that 434 00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:35,844 whatever I like, you like also? 435 00:18:35,878 --> 00:18:37,682 Yesterday evening. 436 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,854 Was it early evening or late? 437 00:18:40,888 --> 00:18:42,223 Late evening. 438 00:18:42,257 --> 00:18:43,760 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 439 00:18:45,531 --> 00:18:47,702 Yes. 440 00:18:50,741 --> 00:18:53,212 I'd forgotten how handsome a vampire the Baron is. 441 00:18:53,245 --> 00:18:55,617 Oh, yes, he's absolutely delicious. 442 00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:57,755 I must confess we had a little quickie 443 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,491 in the cloakroom after the ceremony. 444 00:18:59,524 --> 00:19:01,896 - As good as you remembered? - Oh, so much better. 445 00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:03,767 Right. Well, then don't mind if I do. 446 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,904 - Oh, enjoy, my love. Ooh. - I bloody will. 447 00:19:05,938 --> 00:19:07,742 I say there, Baron, 448 00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:11,382 fantastic to see you returned to your former glory. 449 00:19:11,415 --> 00:19:15,758 I have been wanting to have a private word with you, Laszlo. 450 00:19:15,791 --> 00:19:17,928 If you would be so good as to meet me 451 00:19:17,962 --> 00:19:21,368 in the coatroom in five minutes. 452 00:19:21,402 --> 00:19:24,876 Oh, yes. I think I can manage that. 453 00:19:24,909 --> 00:19:26,412 Ah. Oh. 454 00:19:26,445 --> 00:19:28,850 - Baba, let's dance. - So. 455 00:19:29,819 --> 00:19:31,388 So. 456 00:19:31,422 --> 00:19:33,526 I suppose later tonight 457 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,398 is when you will make her a vampire 458 00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:38,837 so that the two of you can be together 459 00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:41,275 forever and ever 460 00:19:41,308 --> 00:19:44,448 and all eternity. 461 00:19:44,481 --> 00:19:45,951 We will see. 462 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,555 Yes, just as I thought. 463 00:19:47,588 --> 00:19:48,957 So that was great. 464 00:19:48,990 --> 00:19:50,794 -Then other times, I hit, uh, -Thank you. 465 00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:53,499 Dyker Beach... which, yes, it's a public course... 466 00:19:53,533 --> 00:19:57,407 But, oh, man, I mean, they really take care of the greens. 467 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,820 So you, uh, get out to the links often? 468 00:19:58,844 --> 00:20:01,683 I hear that. 469 00:20:01,716 --> 00:20:03,687 Ah... 470 00:20:06,325 --> 00:20:08,462 Guillermo. 471 00:20:08,496 --> 00:20:09,999 - Marwa. - Hi. 472 00:20:10,032 --> 00:20:11,401 - You look beautiful. - Thank you. 473 00:20:11,435 --> 00:20:12,972 Congratulations. 474 00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:15,309 You have done such a wonderful job tonight, Guillermo. 475 00:20:15,343 --> 00:20:17,313 Oh, no. 476 00:20:17,347 --> 00:20:19,317 I don't know what I would do without you. 477 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,589 - Mmm. - Oh. Thank you. 478 00:20:21,623 --> 00:20:23,693 - Oh. - That's... Thank... 479 00:20:23,727 --> 00:20:25,931 Oh, well, that's a lot of kissing. 480 00:20:25,964 --> 00:20:27,968 - Mmm. - Thank you. Wow. 481 00:20:31,743 --> 00:20:33,580 - Hey, bro. - Hey! Fu... 482 00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:35,751 I got you a little, uh, wedding present. 483 00:20:35,784 --> 00:20:38,924 A brand-new djinn lamp. 484 00:20:40,526 --> 00:20:43,299 - What? - It's a little small. 485 00:20:43,332 --> 00:20:47,440 This one only has three wishes, so use them wisely, huh? 486 00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:48,743 Could I use one of the wishes 487 00:20:48,777 --> 00:20:50,480 to wish for a thousand more wishes? 488 00:20:50,513 --> 00:20:53,620 - No. - Eh. Thanks for nothing. 489 00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:26,562 - Should I put hair on it? - It looks much better. 490 00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,389 - Hey! - Uh-oh. 491 00:21:28,422 --> 00:21:30,493 Little Colin Robinson, what are you doing? 492 00:21:30,526 --> 00:21:32,330 Shoo, you little rascal! 493 00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:33,375 - Run, Colin, run! - Go, go, go, go! 494 00:21:33,399 --> 00:21:34,936 Oh. 495 00:21:41,916 --> 00:21:44,521 It's okay. Back to sleep. 496 00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:46,926 Back to sleep. 497 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,840 So, this song is called "The House Mate." 498 00:22:03,092 --> 00:22:04,394 Nandor has, uh, 499 00:22:04,427 --> 00:22:06,398 really wasted a lot of wishes 500 00:22:06,431 --> 00:22:07,777 - on stupid things. - Yee-haw! 501 00:22:07,801 --> 00:22:10,541 It's the bee's buzz! What a good bee you are. 502 00:22:10,574 --> 00:22:12,110 Oh, hey! So fun! 503 00:22:12,143 --> 00:22:13,780 Okay, now. 504 00:22:13,813 --> 00:22:15,717 But it's not my job to judge. 505 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,590 Hey... No, I-I said I wanted to play one-on-one 506 00:22:18,623 --> 00:22:20,961 with the real guy, not the cardboard cutout guy. 507 00:22:20,994 --> 00:22:22,831 I should have been more specific. 508 00:22:22,865 --> 00:22:24,835 Three points! Hey! 509 00:22:42,103 --> 00:22:45,142 - Sean? Oh, Seanie. - Shut the fuck up. 510 00:22:45,176 --> 00:22:46,679 What's wrong with you?! 511 00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:47,480 - What did you do last night? - Jesus. 512 00:22:47,513 --> 00:22:48,717 Uh... I don't... 513 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:50,453 - What? - I don't remember. 514 00:22:50,486 --> 00:22:52,591 I must have really torn one up, huh? 515 00:22:52,625 --> 00:22:54,562 Wait a minute. Weren't you there? 516 00:22:54,595 --> 00:22:56,566 No. I was in bed by 9:00. 517 00:22:56,599 --> 00:22:58,135 Aw, shit. You know what, 518 00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,048 I think I had one of those CBD gummies Brenda gave me. 519 00:23:00,072 --> 00:23:01,909 They make me fucking crazy. 520 00:23:01,943 --> 00:23:03,789 - Just get up. - That's why you don't do the marijuana. 521 00:23:03,813 --> 00:23:05,860 Oh, my God. I would never do the marijuana. That's a drug. 522 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,496 -That's drugs. Come on. Let's go. -What do you think CBD is?! 523 00:23:28,195 --> 00:23:30,315 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org