1 00:00:01,506 --> 00:00:02,790 - (Dance music playing) - NADJA: What can I say? 2 00:00:02,874 --> 00:00:05,218 The nightclub has really taken off recently. 3 00:00:05,303 --> 00:00:07,648 Nadja's has become the hot spot 4 00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,320 for the tri-state area vampire community. 5 00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,265 And I, its queen. 6 00:00:12,382 --> 00:00:14,507 Most of the vampires lining up won't get in 7 00:00:14,592 --> 00:00:16,310 due to general ugliness. Move! 8 00:00:16,398 --> 00:00:19,601 Okay, you two in the denim capes, it ain't happening. 9 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,211 Fly back to New Jersey. 10 00:00:21,343 --> 00:00:23,955 NADJA: This place has even started attracting human celebrities, 11 00:00:24,039 --> 00:00:26,130 which is really great for business. 12 00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:27,513 There's three of them now. 13 00:00:27,598 --> 00:00:29,076 Sofia, you stupid bitch, 14 00:00:29,161 --> 00:00:30,895 when are you gonna put me in one of your movies? 15 00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:33,654 I want to show the camera my bling ring. (Laughs) 16 00:00:33,739 --> 00:00:34,857 JIM: Hey, Colin really is 17 00:00:34,942 --> 00:00:36,192 performing tonight, right? 18 00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:37,826 We are very excited, man. 19 00:00:37,911 --> 00:00:39,471 We've been hearing about him for weeks. 20 00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:41,536 Colin is going to be on stage in three minutes. 21 00:00:41,621 --> 00:00:43,498 Great, that kid is incredible. 22 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:45,099 More than a star, he's a phenomenon. 23 00:00:45,184 --> 00:00:47,412 He does have a certain je ne sais quoi. (Laughs) 24 00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:51,653 Speaking French... 25 00:00:52,034 --> 00:00:53,918 He must have brain scrambles. That was utter gibberish. 26 00:00:54,002 --> 00:00:55,754 - (laughs) - SOFIA: Can I just ask you, 27 00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:59,778 what's the "Celebrity Special," and is it really $5,000? 28 00:00:59,989 --> 00:01:02,599 Oh, the Celebrity Special! 29 00:01:02,684 --> 00:01:03,795 Something you're interested in? 30 00:01:03,879 --> 00:01:05,463 - Yes, very much. - Yes, please. - Jim? 31 00:01:05,547 --> 00:01:07,373 Oh, not for me. We're shooting in the morning. 32 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,498 And, really, I don't make that kind of money. 33 00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:12,704 Oh. Celebrity Special for two, anyone? 34 00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,806 - (shouting, cheering) - NADJA: Okay, uh... 35 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:16,373 You two, over here. 36 00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:18,568 May I present for you 37 00:01:18,653 --> 00:01:20,845 the Celebrity Special? 38 00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:22,498 It's to die for. 39 00:01:24,099 --> 00:01:25,550 (cheering) 40 00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:26,818 Oh, shit, that looks so real. 41 00:01:26,902 --> 00:01:28,686 NADJA: It's so much more fun 42 00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:31,482 when the celebrities actually ask for it themselves. 43 00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:32,763 He's empty. 44 00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:35,013 Come on, you guys. You are really good. 45 00:01:35,098 --> 00:01:36,224 That is amazing. 46 00:01:36,309 --> 00:01:38,363 - Chanting...: Do the head. - That's right. 47 00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:40,310 Do the head... 48 00:01:40,395 --> 00:01:41,825 (cheering) 49 00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:45,380 (chuckling): I could never afford a gag like this. 50 00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:46,287 That's amazing. 51 00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:48,919 We're so glad you're enjoying the show, Jim. (Laughs) 52 00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:50,675 "You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing... 53 00:01:50,759 --> 00:01:53,465 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 54 00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:56,216 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 55 00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:59,357 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 56 00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:01,778 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 57 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,888 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 58 00:02:05,973 --> 00:02:08,779 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 59 00:02:08,864 --> 00:02:11,583 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 60 00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:13,913 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 61 00:02:13,998 --> 00:02:16,497 [♪ ♪] 62 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:25,098 - Over here! - (cheering) 63 00:02:25,262 --> 00:02:27,193 - Sofia? - NADJA: You think that the celebrities 64 00:02:27,278 --> 00:02:28,513 would have caught on by now, but I have got Chloë Sevigny 65 00:02:28,597 --> 00:02:30,646 and Tiki Barber booked for tomorrow night, 66 00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:33,326 and the great Fran Lebowitz on Thursday. 67 00:02:33,411 --> 00:02:35,529 She says what we're all thinking. 68 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:38,950 Okay, time for my little moneymaker, Baby Colin. 69 00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:40,853 Let's get on with the show. 70 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:42,070 Now, where is he? 71 00:02:42,155 --> 00:02:44,327 - (grunts) - (whispers indistinctly) 72 00:02:44,412 --> 00:02:46,536 Are you fucking kidding me? 73 00:02:47,045 --> 00:02:49,566 What do you mean that Baby Colin is not performing? 74 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:51,636 He goes on every night at 3:00 a. m.! 75 00:02:51,721 --> 00:02:54,206 I know, my darling, but things have changed. 76 00:02:54,291 --> 00:02:56,443 The nightclub is extraordinarily successful, 77 00:02:56,528 --> 00:02:59,739 and we both know why, so his contract must reflect that. 78 00:02:59,824 --> 00:03:01,908 - He doesn't have a contract. - Au contraire. 79 00:03:01,993 --> 00:03:04,196 - I drew one up this morning. - (Nadja groans) 80 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,397 GUILLERMO: So, full disclosure, 81 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,325 (whispers): I met someone. 82 00:03:11,587 --> 00:03:13,950 Well, a while back, when I was in England with Nadja, 83 00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:16,053 there was this guy, Freddie, 84 00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:18,981 and yeah, we just had this whirlwind romance. 85 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,985 Ever since I've been back here we've been FaceTiming, 86 00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:22,418 like, all the time. (laughs) 87 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,989 And now, he's coming to New York for the weekend. 88 00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,048 - FREDDIE: See you soon. - (whispers): Okay, besos. 89 00:03:27,132 --> 00:03:29,551 Which is super exciting and super terrifying, 90 00:03:29,635 --> 00:03:32,153 (chuckles): Because he's the first person 91 00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:36,191 that I've ever really dated dated, you know? 92 00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:37,759 I'm gonna pick him up at the airport, 93 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,261 and we're gonna spend the whole weekend in the city, 94 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,597 - just Freddie and I and... - (doorbell rings) 95 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,484 Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. I'll be back. 96 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,971 - Surprise. (Laughs) - Oh. Freddie. 97 00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,139 My flight got in early. 98 00:03:51,223 --> 00:03:53,041 Oh, my God, look at your face. 99 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:55,643 - "Look at my face." Oh, wow. - Aww. 100 00:03:55,727 --> 00:03:57,145 Who-who are these guys? 101 00:03:57,229 --> 00:03:58,279 It's a, uh, a documentary crew. 102 00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,614 How did you find my place? 103 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,449 Oh, return address of the post you sent me. 104 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,219 Sorry, the "mail" you sent me. Oh, my God, you Americans. 105 00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:05,578 - (laughs) - NANDOR: Guillermo? 106 00:04:05,749 --> 00:04:07,969 Oh. That is very kind of you, 107 00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:10,023 but I'm not hungry right now. 108 00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,000 GUIDE: (clears throat) Number one, 109 00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:18,066 "Nightclub staff will not make direct eye contact 110 00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,567 with Colin unless they are giving him a gift." 111 00:04:19,651 --> 00:04:21,503 - (Nadja groans) - COLIN: Hey, Nadja, guess what? 112 00:04:21,587 --> 00:04:23,371 - NADJA: What? - Chicken butt. 113 00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:26,074 - Ugh. - Okay, number two, uh, 114 00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:27,742 "We also require a merch table, 115 00:04:27,826 --> 00:04:30,378 "where we will sell Colin's new compact disc..." 116 00:04:30,462 --> 00:04:33,014 LASZLO: Call Me Colin: An Hour of Singsongs 117 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,717 and Laugh-'Em-Ups for the Whole Famn Damily. 118 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,782 - Are you gonna sign it? - Of course not! 119 00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:39,322 My darling, if it wasn't for this boy, 120 00:04:39,406 --> 00:04:40,736 your club would be as dead as disco. 121 00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:42,017 - COLIN: And guess what? - BOTH: What? 122 00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:44,787 All I want is to sing and dance and make people smile. 123 00:04:45,544 --> 00:04:47,762 I don't even really care about all this contract baloney. 124 00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:50,165 No, no, no, no. He doesn't know what he's saying. 125 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,389 So, do have we a deal? 126 00:04:51,474 --> 00:04:54,443 Um, let me just have a little think, uh, mull it over. 127 00:04:55,623 --> 00:04:57,826 - All right. - What is this made of? 128 00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,575 Fuck no! Do you think that my club 129 00:05:00,659 --> 00:05:03,584 needs this little weird ventriloquist tap-dancing freak? 130 00:05:03,669 --> 00:05:05,522 - Hey. - But he is our main attraction. 131 00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:07,592 I could replace him in a second. 132 00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:09,162 Well, good luck with that. 133 00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:10,943 I've had the owner of the hottest vampire nightclub 134 00:05:11,027 --> 00:05:12,411 on the phone to me day and night, 135 00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:14,122 and he's not the only one. 136 00:05:14,206 --> 00:05:15,723 So you're actually going to leave? 137 00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:17,992 Looks that way, doesn't it? Come on, boy. 138 00:05:18,076 --> 00:05:20,528 Let's take your talents upstate. 139 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,564 Albany and Binghamton, to be more precise, but... 140 00:05:22,648 --> 00:05:24,683 - got to start somewhere. - (Nadja groans) 141 00:05:25,753 --> 00:05:28,238 FREDDIE: Wow, this place is like a museum. 142 00:05:28,323 --> 00:05:30,238 I-I can't believe this is your house, Guillermo. 143 00:05:30,322 --> 00:05:31,670 Well, it's actually not my house. 144 00:05:31,755 --> 00:05:33,279 I just help take care of Nandor. 145 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,530 How'd you never mention that? 146 00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:36,399 I-I thought you worked at the U. N. 147 00:05:36,595 --> 00:05:37,679 Don't be silly. 148 00:05:37,763 --> 00:05:40,482 Guillermo does not work at the U and N. 149 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,117 (whispering): He forgets a lot of things. 150 00:05:42,201 --> 00:05:44,319 His mind doesn't work the way it used to, so... 151 00:05:44,403 --> 00:05:47,989 - I volunteer on my days off. - Aw, you're so sweet. 152 00:05:48,073 --> 00:05:49,624 - NANDOR: Guillermo. - Hmm. 153 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:52,494 Why did you not tell me you had a friend coming to visit? 154 00:05:52,578 --> 00:05:54,162 - Friends... - Oh, we're, uh, we're a little bit 155 00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:55,530 more than friends, actually. 156 00:05:55,614 --> 00:05:58,133 Oh, I see. 157 00:05:58,217 --> 00:06:00,519 - Best friends. - GUILLERMO: No, uh... 158 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,638 He's my boyfriend. 159 00:06:03,722 --> 00:06:05,507 Oh. 160 00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:09,010 - Oh, wow. - (Freddie chuckles) 161 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:12,113 And I'm sorry I didn't mention that earlier. 162 00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,081 This is fantastic news. 163 00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,215 - FREDDIE: Right? - GUILLERMO: Good. 164 00:06:14,299 --> 00:06:16,017 And a long time coming. 165 00:06:16,101 --> 00:06:18,086 - Oh. - He has been very lonely. 166 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,521 - Oh. - Extremely lonely. 167 00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:21,122 - GUILLERMO: Not that lonely. - Pretty lonely. 168 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:22,457 Not that lonely. 169 00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:24,025 NANDOR: Very pathetic. Really lonely. 170 00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:27,095 Thank you, Nandor, that is very interesting. 171 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:29,764 And can I just reiterate that your home is beautiful? 172 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,567 I-I mean, this tapestry, is this Turkish in origin? 173 00:06:32,651 --> 00:06:34,369 - Y-Yes. Yes... - Around the 15th century, this one here? 174 00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:35,703 GUILLERMO: Freddie's actually a junior associate 175 00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:37,138 at an auction house in London. 176 00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,007 He's kind of an art buff. 177 00:06:39,091 --> 00:06:41,109 - (laughs): No. - Very good eye. 178 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:44,512 I disemboweled many villagers to get this tapestry. 179 00:06:44,596 --> 00:06:46,047 (whispers): We're thinking of upping his medicine dose 180 00:06:46,131 --> 00:06:47,449 - 'cause... - (Freddie laughs) 181 00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:50,151 I would love to hear more of your stories, Nandor. 182 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:52,020 I'm just so glad to have a new buddy. 183 00:06:52,104 --> 00:06:55,023 Oh, that's me. 184 00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:56,291 I am the buddy. 185 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,426 This, uh, this place is pretty dusty, though. 186 00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,462 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, but, uh, 187 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:02,397 - I think it might kill itself. - (both laugh) 188 00:07:02,481 --> 00:07:05,233 - (laughs) - I couldn't resist. 189 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:08,203 I don't know what any of that means, but I love it. 190 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,338 Okay. Such long teeth. 191 00:07:10,422 --> 00:07:13,074 It's a genetic disorder in the family. 192 00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:15,176 And, uh, if you ever need anyone to help you look after 193 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,978 any of these treasures, 194 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,247 - promise you'll give me a call, eh? - Oh. 195 00:07:19,331 --> 00:07:21,549 So nice to meet you. What a, what a pleasure. 196 00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:23,084 - I'll see you very soon. - Yes. 197 00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,219 - All right. - Hopefully. 198 00:07:24,303 --> 00:07:26,254 - Bye-bye. - GUILLERMO: Sorry about that... 199 00:07:26,338 --> 00:07:28,173 - FREDDIE: That's okay. - (door closes) 200 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,665 NANDOR: I cannot sleep. 201 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,534 My mind has been seized by thoughts 202 00:07:39,618 --> 00:07:42,387 of a very special person. 203 00:07:43,099 --> 00:07:45,184 A person by the name of... 204 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:46,588 Freddie. 205 00:07:46,673 --> 00:07:48,845 Ever since he and Guillermo 206 00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:51,379 left for the hotel, Freddie's charm 207 00:07:51,463 --> 00:07:55,483 and sweet, supportive nature have echoed in my mind. 208 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,102 He touched my arm. 209 00:07:57,502 --> 00:08:00,121 Also, things have grown a little stale 210 00:08:00,205 --> 00:08:01,990 with my beloved Marwa. 211 00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:04,125 Are you, um... 212 00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:07,395 enjoying sitting in that chair? 213 00:08:07,479 --> 00:08:10,516 Yes. Hmm. 214 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,845 And yours is good? 215 00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:16,243 Yes, uh... 216 00:08:16,719 --> 00:08:20,505 It was a little bit hard, so I put a cushion on it. 217 00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:22,510 - Wonderful. - Yes. 218 00:08:22,594 --> 00:08:25,046 NANDOR (sighs): Fuck, she's boring. 219 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,182 But marriage is sacred to me. 220 00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:30,151 I never once cheated on any of my 37 wives, 221 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:32,220 and I'm not about to start now. 222 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:35,557 Could I steal Freddie from Guillermo? 223 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,724 Of course. 224 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,193 But that would be cruel. 225 00:08:38,277 --> 00:08:41,729 And also, you know, sloppy seconds. 226 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,064 If only... 227 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,117 Excuse me for a moment. 228 00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:48,203 (quietly): I'm not sure if this is possible, 229 00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:50,472 but I wish for Marwa to be transformed 230 00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:55,043 into an exact copy of this person: Freddie. 231 00:08:55,127 --> 00:08:57,645 Appearance, personality, everything. 232 00:08:57,729 --> 00:08:59,747 - Why are you whispering? - Because Marwa is someone 233 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,583 that I love very much, 234 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,119 and I don't want her to hear that I'm about to change her 235 00:09:03,203 --> 00:09:05,371 into a completely different person. 236 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,207 As you wish. 237 00:09:11,076 --> 00:09:13,745 Marwa? 238 00:09:15,214 --> 00:09:17,265 (door creaks) 239 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,967 Hello. 240 00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:21,336 Hi, there. I'm Freddie. 241 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:23,071 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. 242 00:09:23,155 --> 00:09:24,305 Boy, this place is pretty dusty. 243 00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:25,640 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, 244 00:09:25,724 --> 00:09:27,342 but I think it might kill itself. 245 00:09:27,426 --> 00:09:29,695 - (both laugh) - Sorry, I couldn't resist. 246 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,398 Freddie. 247 00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:37,118 Our star performer's departure 248 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,621 could not come at a worse time for Mistress Nadja. 249 00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:42,157 I'm actually a little worried about her. 250 00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:44,192 There's so much pressure running a nightclub, 251 00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:47,028 and she's been consuming a massive amount 252 00:09:47,112 --> 00:09:48,263 of liquor blood. 253 00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:49,697 Are you talking shit about me? 254 00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,966 - No. - Hey, I love you like a sister, baby, 255 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,502 you know it, but even... If you even think 256 00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:57,972 about damaging my brand, I will cut you in two! 257 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,307 (glass shattering) 258 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,759 Okay! 259 00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,678 - COLIN: Lazzo, guess what? - LASZLO: What? 260 00:10:03,762 --> 00:10:07,048 I can't believe I'm on the road, on my own tour bus. 261 00:10:07,132 --> 00:10:09,384 Now, this one maybe isn't as nice as the one 262 00:10:09,468 --> 00:10:12,020 in Cameron Crowe's turn-of-the-century masterpiece 263 00:10:12,104 --> 00:10:15,223 - Almost Famous, but it... - We've got to work our way to the top, boy. 264 00:10:15,307 --> 00:10:16,758 We got to strike out on tour. 265 00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:19,461 It's how all the best vampire acts started. 266 00:10:19,545 --> 00:10:22,030 Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly. 267 00:10:22,114 --> 00:10:24,099 Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim. 268 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,668 Hall & Throats. Tame Impaler. 269 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,620 The Undead Kennedys. 270 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:31,606 - (microphone whines faintly) - (clears throat) 271 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:33,174 NADJA: Freshly drained blood 272 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,076 of a drunk human celebrity. 273 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,745 Just a little something to keep Mama sharp. 274 00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:41,483 Rest in peace, Sofia Copp-Coppola. 275 00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:44,986 Let us get on with it. Bring on the first little freak! 276 00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,055 GUIDE: Well, first we have Jack Metcalf. 277 00:10:47,139 --> 00:10:49,524 He is repped by Christie Marx Management. 278 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:52,527 He is four feet and two inches high. 279 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:53,728 (whoops) 280 00:10:53,812 --> 00:10:56,965 ♪ Let me call you sweetheart... ♪ 281 00:10:57,049 --> 00:10:59,334 Flat! Flat! 282 00:10:59,418 --> 00:11:01,970 You don't have the range, babe. 283 00:11:02,054 --> 00:11:03,671 Get off my stage. Next! 284 00:11:03,755 --> 00:11:07,175 GUIDE: Peter Do skin, repped by Grandpa and Grandma. 285 00:11:07,259 --> 00:11:09,077 Chrysanthemum. 286 00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:10,411 C-H-R-Y-S-A... 287 00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:13,181 Why are you not stuffed in a locker somewhere? 288 00:11:13,265 --> 00:11:16,651 Your bullies are not doing a good enough job. 289 00:11:16,735 --> 00:11:18,019 Next! 290 00:11:18,103 --> 00:11:20,555 ♪ Meet me in dream land ♪ 291 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,724 ♪ Sweet dreamy dream land ♪ 292 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:27,028 ♪ There let my dreams come true. ♪ 293 00:11:27,112 --> 00:11:28,429 (light applause) 294 00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,698 Right, well, that's enough, you freeloading deadbeats. 295 00:11:30,782 --> 00:11:33,085 If you want to watch, then you've got to pay. Come on. 296 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,288 (piano playing) 297 00:11:37,055 --> 00:11:38,457 Ugh. 298 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,693 No, no, no. 299 00:11:43,395 --> 00:11:44,479 No. 300 00:11:44,563 --> 00:11:46,014 (grunts) Okay. 301 00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,515 I'm coming. Stop it. 302 00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,751 Okay, stop tapping. Watch and learn, bitch. 303 00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,653 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 304 00:11:51,737 --> 00:11:53,555 ♪ Stealing all my brothers... ♪ 305 00:11:53,639 --> 00:11:56,291 - (gasps) - GUIDE: Auditions are over. 306 00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,293 NADJA: No, it's going well. That was the finale. 307 00:11:58,377 --> 00:12:00,145 Ta-da! 308 00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:09,537 - Thank you. Thank you so much. - (Spanish song playing) 309 00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:12,407 GUILLERMO: Aw. 310 00:12:12,491 --> 00:12:15,043 I even let him make a list of all the things 311 00:12:15,127 --> 00:12:17,212 he's always wanted to do in New York City. 312 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,715 NANDOR: I'm having the best time with my Freddie. 313 00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:22,717 [♪ ♪] 314 00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,942 NANDOR: He has written a list of things 315 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,005 he would like to do in New York City, 316 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:29,424 and now we are doing those things. 317 00:12:29,508 --> 00:12:32,060 - Is-is it your turn next? I-I think... - No. 318 00:12:32,144 --> 00:12:34,028 - (cheering) - Oh, my God! 319 00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,430 (laughing): Wow. 320 00:12:35,514 --> 00:12:38,133 NANDOR: (grunts) Hey! Hey! 321 00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,001 (laughs): Oh, wow! 322 00:12:40,085 --> 00:12:42,003 - Wait, wait. - Oh, okay. All right. 323 00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:44,005 - Come around. - (laughs) 324 00:12:44,089 --> 00:12:46,441 (laughter, indistinct chatter) 325 00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:48,443 [♪ ♪] 326 00:12:48,527 --> 00:12:49,577 (laughs) 327 00:12:49,661 --> 00:12:51,146 GUILLERMO: So, this weekend has 328 00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:52,580 made me realize that I really need 329 00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,415 - a life outside of work. - (laughs): Yeah. 330 00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:57,018 I felt like I literally kept seeing Nandor everywhere... 331 00:12:57,102 --> 00:12:58,686 Which is ridiculous... 332 00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,422 Because that's how much space he occupies in my mind. 333 00:13:01,506 --> 00:13:03,024 - Anyways, we're not talking about Nandor. - No. 334 00:13:03,108 --> 00:13:04,359 - Let's go get some cheesecake. - Okay. 335 00:13:04,443 --> 00:13:06,161 - (laughter) - Hello. 336 00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:08,329 NADJA: Well, last night's auditions were a mess. 337 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,098 And then I realized, 338 00:13:10,182 --> 00:13:13,034 why am I even trying to find another child performer? 339 00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:14,169 Fuck them kids. 340 00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:18,406 This is a scary, sexy nightclub for adults. 341 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:22,710 So I decided to call Le Cirque Érotique. 342 00:13:22,794 --> 00:13:28,049 GUIDE: Le Cirque Érotique is a legendary consortium 343 00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:30,752 of sophisticated and deeply carnal 344 00:13:30,836 --> 00:13:33,488 vampire circus performers. 345 00:13:33,572 --> 00:13:35,290 Some of the most thrilling, obscene spectacles 346 00:13:35,374 --> 00:13:37,358 known to vampires. 347 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,327 NADJA: They're famously tough to book. 348 00:13:39,411 --> 00:13:40,762 GUIDE: But they are coming here 349 00:13:40,846 --> 00:13:43,998 to perform tonight! (laughs) 350 00:13:44,082 --> 00:13:46,000 LASZLO: Lamar? 351 00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:48,169 Yeah, I'm just checking in. This place is amazing. 352 00:13:48,253 --> 00:13:51,673 It has ice on demand, 24 hours a day. 353 00:13:51,757 --> 00:13:53,007 And it's gratis. 354 00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:54,542 I've got to go, 'cause it's showtime. 355 00:13:54,924 --> 00:13:56,709 Why isn't that boy doing his scales? 356 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,802 Why aren't you doing your scales, boy... 357 00:13:58,887 --> 00:14:01,439 - (voice cracking): Hey. Time to hit the road. - Shit. 358 00:14:01,524 --> 00:14:04,727 This little star's ready to shake his moneymaker. 359 00:14:06,192 --> 00:14:07,643 Is something wrong? 360 00:14:07,728 --> 00:14:09,913 Do you feel there's something wrong? 361 00:14:10,036 --> 00:14:12,420 (voice cracking): No. How far is it to the venue? 362 00:14:12,505 --> 00:14:13,802 To the what? 363 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,146 - COLIN: Venue. - Um... 364 00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,565 Not far. 365 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,000 (whispers): The fuck? 366 00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:21,069 Right, now, that was a bit of a shock. 367 00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,139 He appears to have hit puberty overnight. 368 00:14:24,223 --> 00:14:26,674 The worst thing is, I don't think he realizes it. 369 00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:29,144 - (microphone whines quietly) - HOST: All right. 370 00:14:29,228 --> 00:14:31,312 All the way up from Staten Island, 371 00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:33,314 let's give a warm, Binghamton welcome 372 00:14:33,398 --> 00:14:36,284 to the most talented little boy in the world, 373 00:14:36,368 --> 00:14:38,453 - Baby Colin. - (applause) 374 00:14:38,537 --> 00:14:40,572 Hi, Binghamton. 375 00:14:43,141 --> 00:14:46,561 (voice cracking): ♪ If you want to ring the bell not once, but twice... ♪ 376 00:14:46,645 --> 00:14:48,196 MAN: He's just a kid. 377 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,399 ♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice... ♪ 378 00:14:51,483 --> 00:14:53,401 Come on, let's get a big clap going. 379 00:14:53,485 --> 00:14:55,303 - (rising chatter) - (scattered clapping) 380 00:14:55,387 --> 00:14:58,139 ♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪ 381 00:14:58,223 --> 00:15:00,074 ♪ With sweet music and love... ♪ 382 00:15:00,158 --> 00:15:02,277 WOMAN: That's not Baby Colin. 383 00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,212 - It is... Yeah, it is. - WOMAN: Fuck... fuck off. 384 00:15:04,296 --> 00:15:05,580 I don't think it's him. 385 00:15:05,664 --> 00:15:07,615 - MAN: Get off the stage! - Everyone hates me! 386 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,717 (audience hissing) 387 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:13,021 - Go eat shit. - Be back soon. 388 00:15:13,105 --> 00:15:14,331 GUIDE: Oh, that's fun. 389 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,867 NADJA: Come on, the circus troupe is loading in soon. 390 00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:18,460 - GUSTAVE: Hello? - Ah. 391 00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:20,328 Gustave Leroy of Le Cirque Érotique. 392 00:15:20,412 --> 00:15:22,504 Hello, I am Nadja. Welcome. 393 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,191 And the rest of your troupe are, um... 394 00:15:24,276 --> 00:15:26,034 Oh, I thought they told you. 395 00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:27,573 It's just gonna be me tonight. 396 00:15:27,683 --> 00:15:30,082 Yeah, nobody else was available, but lucky for you, 397 00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:31,539 I'm very free. Oh. 398 00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:33,856 I'd like to have you put those up around the club, please. 399 00:15:33,940 --> 00:15:35,331 NADJA: Just you? 400 00:15:35,416 --> 00:15:38,078 "The clown who can suck himself off." 401 00:15:38,163 --> 00:15:40,039 I put a little comedy into it as well. 402 00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:42,203 Now, where is a good place for me to, uh, 403 00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:43,284 start my stretches? 404 00:15:43,405 --> 00:15:44,686 GUILLERMO: Hello? 405 00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,287 I just need to get some insoles for my feet. 406 00:15:46,371 --> 00:15:48,574 - They're killing me. - (distant laughter) 407 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,027 - NANDOR: ...the left nipple. - (Freddie Clone laughs) 408 00:15:53,111 --> 00:15:55,029 Hey, look who it is. 409 00:15:55,386 --> 00:15:57,332 Freddie, what are you... How? 410 00:15:57,416 --> 00:16:00,135 - Welcome. - You were just in the car with me. 411 00:16:00,219 --> 00:16:03,269 Don't be silly. This is not your Freddie. 412 00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:06,684 - This is my own Freddie. - All right, bruv. 413 00:16:06,769 --> 00:16:08,143 What the hell? 414 00:16:08,227 --> 00:16:10,411 I asked the djinn to turn Marwa into a carbon copy 415 00:16:10,495 --> 00:16:12,213 of your Freddie. 416 00:16:12,297 --> 00:16:14,829 - What is wrong with you? - Don't be upset about it. 417 00:16:14,914 --> 00:16:16,965 - You should be flattered. - Put him back... 418 00:16:17,050 --> 00:16:18,840 - Gigi, what's taking you so long? We need to go. - No, um... 419 00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:20,596 Freddie, you should probably wait in the car, because... 420 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,248 Um... 421 00:16:25,349 --> 00:16:28,152 (both screaming) 422 00:16:35,981 --> 00:16:38,800 Please give a warm welcome to your entertainment 423 00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:41,832 for the evening, Mr. Gustave Leroy, huh? 424 00:16:42,055 --> 00:16:44,958 (cheering, applause) 425 00:16:45,925 --> 00:16:47,443 (whooping) 426 00:16:47,527 --> 00:16:48,945 GUIDE: Ah, yeah! 427 00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:51,047 (whistling, gasping) 428 00:16:51,131 --> 00:16:53,066 Yeah! 429 00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:55,887 (laughter) 430 00:16:56,168 --> 00:16:57,864 WOMAN: Yeah, let's see it. 431 00:16:57,949 --> 00:17:00,480 (cheering) 432 00:17:01,526 --> 00:17:02,738 Yes! 433 00:17:02,823 --> 00:17:04,274 MAN: He's really going for it. 434 00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:06,050 He's going for a full suck! 435 00:17:06,135 --> 00:17:07,663 Hey, Sofia, so it turns out 436 00:17:07,748 --> 00:17:10,067 it's just some guy sucking his own dick. 437 00:17:10,317 --> 00:17:12,378 Anyway, very funny the way you guys disappeared 438 00:17:12,463 --> 00:17:15,894 the other night after the bloody magic trick, 439 00:17:16,006 --> 00:17:18,125 which I'm still trying to figure out. 440 00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:21,210 But enough is enough. Come on, call me back. 441 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,111 (whooping) 442 00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:24,480 - Really? - WOMAN: That's it? 443 00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:26,223 - MAN: That's it? - That was, like, 20 seconds. 444 00:17:26,307 --> 00:17:27,791 Ladies and gentlemen, 445 00:17:27,883 --> 00:17:29,868 it was a pleasure for me 446 00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:32,738 - to suck myself off for you. - (audience booing) 447 00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:36,125 - What the fuck was that? - Wasn't that amazing? 448 00:17:36,209 --> 00:17:37,493 I've never lasted that long. 449 00:17:37,577 --> 00:17:39,428 This was supposed to be a whole evening of sucking. 450 00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:40,796 You're useless. 451 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,231 (whoops) Okay, to, um, 452 00:17:42,315 --> 00:17:44,693 keep the fun going and liven you guys up, 453 00:17:44,778 --> 00:17:48,237 we're gonna release the blood sprinklers. 454 00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:50,039 (cheering, applause) 455 00:17:50,123 --> 00:17:53,075 Get ready for loads of blood. 456 00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:56,345 - GUIDE: Oh, yeah! - Spill the blood for the vampires. 457 00:17:56,429 --> 00:17:59,622 NADJA: We love blood so much. (whoops) 458 00:17:59,863 --> 00:18:02,849 Blood sprinklers. Can we get the blood sprinklers on? 459 00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:05,138 Let's get them on. 460 00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,124 - (patrons gasping) - WOMAN: Billy! 461 00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:09,258 Uh... 462 00:18:09,342 --> 00:18:11,494 - Um... Okay... - (indistinct chatter) 463 00:18:11,578 --> 00:18:13,896 - NADJA: Son of a bitch! - WOMAN: Peace out, I'm done. 464 00:18:13,981 --> 00:18:16,201 Hang on. No, no, no, don't go, 'cause I'm going to perform. 465 00:18:16,285 --> 00:18:18,570 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 466 00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:20,202 ♪ Stealing my brothers... ♪ 467 00:18:20,287 --> 00:18:22,838 Come on, guys. Let's get a big clap going. 468 00:18:22,922 --> 00:18:24,052 (whoops) 469 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,422 ♪ And I realized that the egg was me... ♪ 470 00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,575 - (shouts) - GUIDE: Oh, no. 471 00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:31,671 NANDOR: In three, two, one, go! 472 00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:34,675 - Okay, um, uh, the Panama Canal. - Got it. 473 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,611 - Uh, oh, uh, pizza chef. - Yep. 474 00:18:36,696 --> 00:18:39,443 - Uh, Barbie doll. Uh, Alaska. - Yep. Yep. 475 00:18:39,528 --> 00:18:41,489 NANDOR: So, I did a little hypnosis 476 00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:43,060 on the two Freddies. 477 00:18:43,145 --> 00:18:45,147 Basically, I told them not to make such a big a deal 478 00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:47,095 out of the whole cloning thing. 479 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:49,298 - Uh, Genji monogatari by Murasaki Shikibu. - Hai! 480 00:18:49,382 --> 00:18:51,505 Oh, uh, T-The New Adventures of Old Christine. 481 00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:53,302 - Yes. - And that's time. 482 00:18:53,386 --> 00:18:56,205 - BOTH: Yes! Come on, Freddie. - NANDOR: Oh. 483 00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:58,825 - (both Freddies laugh) - Very impressive, you two. 484 00:18:58,910 --> 00:19:01,099 Very, um, in sync. 485 00:19:01,184 --> 00:19:02,367 - (laughter) - NANDOR: Hmm? 486 00:19:02,452 --> 00:19:03,779 - Hmm? - Very good. 487 00:19:03,863 --> 00:19:05,521 Now they're getting on great, 488 00:19:05,606 --> 00:19:07,925 so the situation is totally fine. 489 00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:09,485 Fun little evening we're having, wouldn't you say? 490 00:19:09,569 --> 00:19:11,387 No, I wouldn't say. 491 00:19:11,471 --> 00:19:13,256 - Couldn't just let me have one thing of my own? - I did. 492 00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:15,066 You have your thing and I have mine. 493 00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:16,380 Oh, so you took your wife, 494 00:19:16,465 --> 00:19:17,884 who you transformed into the perfect woman, 495 00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:20,428 and then turned her into a carbon copy of my boyfriend? 496 00:19:20,513 --> 00:19:22,404 Doesn't that register with you as being messed up? 497 00:19:22,488 --> 00:19:24,419 Stop saying things that I have done. 498 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:26,202 This is my last night with Freddie. 499 00:19:26,286 --> 00:19:27,990 Okay, this might seem like a huge game to you, but it's not 500 00:19:28,074 --> 00:19:30,093 - to me, I really care about him. - I know, I just... 501 00:19:30,177 --> 00:19:33,196 Do you understand that I've never, in my whole life, 502 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,732 ever, had a long-term boyfriend? Not once. 503 00:19:36,817 --> 00:19:40,417 And you find a way to make it about yourself. 504 00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:41,599 So thanks. 505 00:19:41,684 --> 00:19:43,001 Uh, wait... I... 506 00:19:43,086 --> 00:19:44,738 - Freddie? We're leaving. - Yes? 507 00:19:45,005 --> 00:19:46,055 - Oh, uh... - FREDDIE: Oh, uh... 508 00:19:46,139 --> 00:19:47,544 NANDOR: That's, uh... 509 00:19:47,629 --> 00:19:49,739 That's actually... 510 00:19:51,136 --> 00:19:53,599 ...my Freddie. 511 00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:56,389 Freddie, we're leaving. 512 00:19:56,818 --> 00:19:58,474 Oh, uh, awesome to meet you, Freddie. 513 00:19:58,559 --> 00:19:59,615 Awesome to meet you, too, Freddie. 514 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,601 GUILLERMO: Freddie, don't talk to Freddie. 515 00:20:07,861 --> 00:20:09,445 Well, 516 00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:11,314 Freddie had to go back to England... 517 00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:12,448 Bye. 518 00:20:12,532 --> 00:20:13,552 I love you. 519 00:20:13,637 --> 00:20:16,423 ...meaning I'm back to my normal life, 520 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,958 being a familiar for Nandor 521 00:20:19,544 --> 00:20:23,716 and his exact clone of my boyfriend. 522 00:20:24,435 --> 00:20:26,429 At least we can stay in touch through the Internet. 523 00:20:26,513 --> 00:20:28,130 - FREDDIE (over device): How's it going? - Are you having beans 524 00:20:28,214 --> 00:20:29,615 - for dinner again? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 525 00:20:29,699 --> 00:20:31,734 - You're such a little bean freak, babe. - Guilty as charged. 526 00:20:31,818 --> 00:20:32,902 FREDDIE CLONE: Is that who I think it is? 527 00:20:32,986 --> 00:20:35,170 Oh, how's it going, Fredmeister? 528 00:20:35,255 --> 00:20:36,928 Yeah, not too bad, Fredmeister. 529 00:20:37,013 --> 00:20:38,474 - Ooh, did you get a chance to read the deep dive... - Uh... 530 00:20:38,558 --> 00:20:40,910 ...on the Palatine Hill in this month's Rosetta Journal? 531 00:20:40,994 --> 00:20:43,544 Oh, let me have a think. Hmm, how about yes? 532 00:20:43,629 --> 00:20:45,848 That's section on early medieval earthenware they just excavated? 533 00:20:45,932 --> 00:20:47,583 Bombshell, am I right? 534 00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:49,120 I had to put the journal down and take a walk 535 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,723 - around the block. - Me, too, I just had to put 536 00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:52,787 the journal down and take a walk around the block. 537 00:20:52,872 --> 00:20:54,975 - Honestly. - Me, too! I had to put... 538 00:20:55,316 --> 00:20:57,468 I'm sorry, can we can cut? 539 00:20:57,553 --> 00:20:59,770 LASZLO: You can't cancel our dates, you bastard. 540 00:20:59,855 --> 00:21:01,217 We've got a contract. 541 00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,399 - Don't fuck me. - Why is this happening to me? 542 00:21:03,483 --> 00:21:04,560 I'm repulsive. 543 00:21:04,645 --> 00:21:07,481 Good grief! Whatever is that foul odor? 544 00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:09,771 It's me. And Laszlo, guess what? 545 00:21:09,856 --> 00:21:11,686 - What? - I hate you. You're ruining my life! 546 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,287 Come on, boy, don't be like that. 547 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:16,279 I can sort this out. Yeah? I'll get you on stage tonight. 548 00:21:16,363 --> 00:21:19,403 No! I'm not singing any more of those baby songs. 549 00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:20,839 - And guess what? - What? 550 00:21:20,924 --> 00:21:23,748 From here on out, I'll only consider performing 551 00:21:23,833 --> 00:21:26,822 if it's the music of Papa Roach or Evanescence. 552 00:21:26,907 --> 00:21:27,778 (nu metal playing) 553 00:21:27,863 --> 00:21:29,507 - Fuck off! - LASZLO: Shut your mouth. 554 00:21:29,933 --> 00:21:31,551 [♪ ♪] 555 00:21:32,385 --> 00:21:34,481 I am beginning to think that maybe 556 00:21:34,566 --> 00:21:37,652 what I did was wrong. 557 00:21:38,018 --> 00:21:41,749 Probably not, but maybe. 558 00:21:42,476 --> 00:21:45,441 I set out to make things right with Guillermo. 559 00:21:45,525 --> 00:21:48,710 I offered to give him my Freddie, 560 00:21:48,862 --> 00:21:50,213 as a token of apology 561 00:21:50,297 --> 00:21:52,641 and also so that they could have sex with each other. 562 00:21:52,726 --> 00:21:54,917 No. It's not the same. 563 00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:58,071 - It's pretty similar. - But it's not. 564 00:21:58,816 --> 00:22:00,601 NANDOR: That's when I knew I had to let 565 00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:02,089 my Freddie go. 566 00:22:02,174 --> 00:22:03,391 Which also meant 567 00:22:03,476 --> 00:22:05,913 letting my wife Marwa go. 568 00:22:06,345 --> 00:22:08,797 But I did leave her in Freddie form, 569 00:22:08,882 --> 00:22:11,067 'cause she seemed so much happier like that. 570 00:22:11,151 --> 00:22:13,469 Perhaps true love is about more than 571 00:22:13,553 --> 00:22:16,405 wishing for someone who likes all the things you like. 572 00:22:16,489 --> 00:22:17,483 My sweet Freddie. 573 00:22:17,568 --> 00:22:19,483 My Freddie always told me that his dream 574 00:22:19,568 --> 00:22:21,336 was to travel the world, 575 00:22:21,421 --> 00:22:24,702 explore his passion for art and history. 576 00:22:24,787 --> 00:22:26,205 Don't forget to buy that Roomba. 577 00:22:26,290 --> 00:22:27,407 (crying): I won't. 578 00:22:27,492 --> 00:22:29,110 I suppose I am the one 579 00:22:29,195 --> 00:22:31,429 who is now granting a wish. 580 00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:34,992 Fucking sucks. 581 00:22:35,077 --> 00:22:36,158 (sniffles) 582 00:22:36,242 --> 00:22:37,593 NADJA: It is clear to me now 583 00:22:37,678 --> 00:22:40,038 that without Baby Colin as its main attraction, 584 00:22:40,153 --> 00:22:41,843 this club cannot survive. 585 00:22:41,982 --> 00:22:45,167 This place was the center of the vampire universe. 586 00:22:45,251 --> 00:22:48,054 But now it is just a big, empty piece of shit. 587 00:22:48,139 --> 00:22:50,157 And despite my hopes of a comeback, 588 00:22:50,499 --> 00:22:52,942 it is clear that our best days are behind us. 589 00:22:53,026 --> 00:22:54,744 - My darling? - (gasps) Laszlo! 590 00:22:54,828 --> 00:22:55,930 I've thought of a way of saving the club. 591 00:22:56,014 --> 00:22:57,398 Ah. How? 592 00:22:57,483 --> 00:22:59,295 I've heard about this amazing clown 593 00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:01,449 that can suck himself dry. 594 00:23:02,764 --> 00:23:04,663 (moans) Who is this young ruffian? 595 00:23:04,748 --> 00:23:06,454 You remember Baby Colin? 596 00:23:06,539 --> 00:23:08,288 Well, he's had a growth spurt. 597 00:23:09,042 --> 00:23:10,835 - Hey. - (gasps) 598 00:23:11,116 --> 00:23:12,351 Can we go? 599 00:23:12,436 --> 00:23:14,265 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Bye. 600 00:23:14,499 --> 00:23:17,226 GUILLERMO: Cheers from jolly old England. 601 00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,302 I decided to go surprise Freddie, 602 00:23:19,386 --> 00:23:21,737 because why not, right? You only live once. 603 00:23:21,821 --> 00:23:24,040 And I have all that money saved that I... 604 00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,195 whatever, I stole from the club. 605 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,044 He has no idea that I'm here, so... 606 00:23:28,128 --> 00:23:30,313 - (distant laughter) - Oh. Is that him? 607 00:23:30,397 --> 00:23:32,181 Over there, right with... 608 00:23:32,265 --> 00:23:34,817 - I love you, Freddie. - I love you, too, Freddie. 609 00:23:34,901 --> 00:23:37,186 - Fancy a pint of bitter? - Why not? 610 00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:39,422 "Layla" by Derek & the Dominos playing... 611 00:23:39,506 --> 00:23:41,508 [♪ ♪] 612 00:23:52,638 --> 00:23:53,855 Impaler Swift. 613 00:23:54,281 --> 00:23:56,813 Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham. 614 00:23:56,898 --> 00:23:59,139 And that's not even mentioning the wraith acts. 615 00:23:59,224 --> 00:24:02,410 Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill. Wraith Evans. 616 00:24:02,495 --> 00:24:03,829 Billy Wraith Cyrus. 617 00:24:03,914 --> 00:24:05,526 Wraith No More. 618 00:24:05,802 --> 00:24:07,829 Wraith Charles. 619 00:24:07,914 --> 00:24:09,552 I could go on. 620 00:24:09,854 --> 00:24:11,923 [♪ ♪] 621 00:24:40,391 --> 00:24:42,460 [♪ ♪] 622 00:24:51,669 --> 00:24:54,071 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org