Here we have gathered the best 50th anniversary jokes to laugh out loud from the internet. Since most of the jokes are clean, hope you like the list. You can always ignore the dirty ones. Or do you want to? Let’s get into the list.
50th Anniversary Jokes Clean
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he’d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn’t marry you. Tomorrow I would’ve been a free man!”
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. “Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago.” “Well,” the old lady snickers, “what do you say, should we get naked?” The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady says slyly, “My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago.” “I’m not surprised,” replies the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
A trip to Thailand?
Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
Then I pick you up again. 🙂
During their 50th anniversary outing, the husband says, “Honey, I love you very much but I have to be honest with you. Early in our marriage I had an affair. It was strictly sexual, and it ended quickly.”
His wife smiles and forgives him, but after a couple holes says, “Since we’re confessing old transgressions, I should tell you that before we were married… I was a man.”
The husband pauses, then becomes furious. He throws his hat to the ground, turns beat red and paces around. Finally he says, “You mean to tell me I’ve let you tee off from the women’s tee all these years for nothing!”
Read About Little Johnny Short Stories
On their 50th anniversary an old couple decided to spend the night in the same room where they had their first night….
Nostalgically the old man says:
Huun.. you remember how I cut my finger and spread blood on the bed sheet to make everyone believe that you were a virgin on our first night..
The lady grinned and said:
So I guess its pay back time and I should blow my nose and spread it on the bed sheet to make everyone believe that you can still ejaculate !!
25th & 40th Wedding Anniversary Joke
A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne.
A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
“Well,” she replied, “since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions.”
“What? How could you?”
“Let me tell you about it,” she said. “The first time was back when we were first married.
You needed open heart surgery and we didn’t have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free.”
“Gee! That was noble of you. And, besides, I guess I should be grateful.
But, tell me, what about the second time?”
“Do you remember that you wanted the position of the, and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and the Vice President and they gave you the job.”
“Hell, I think I could have done it on my own.
But, then again, I guess I should be grateful.
And so, what about the third time?”
“Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Baseball Team, and you were missing 53 votes…?”
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?”
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
Other 50 Anniversary Jokes (Some Clean, Most Aren’t)
On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, “What did you think of me when you first met me?”
The husband replies, “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.” The woman then asks, “What do think of me now?” The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, “I think I did a pretty good job.”
For their 50th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple in their 80s decided to relive their honeymoon. They got the same room in the same little cottage in the small town the got married in those many years ago.
While her husband excused himself to go to the bathroom, the wife thought she’d surprise him when got out with some nooky. Realizing that it has been a while and she isn’t as young as she used to be, she started doing some stretches to loosen up. Right before the bathroom door opens, the wife throws her legs over her head and promptly gets stuck in that position.
The old man, who had left his glasses in the bathroom, stares at his wife for a moment before stating, “For goodness sake, Mildred! Will you brush your hair and put your teeth back in? You look like an asshole!”
It’s their 50th anniversary and Mary walks into the bedroom wearing a seethrough nightie.
“John “, my darling”, she says seductively. “Do you remember on our wedding night I wore this exact same outfit?”
John says “yes, I remember”
“And do you remember what you said when I first came out of the bathroom and you saw me wearing this?”
“Yes I told you I was going to fuck your brains out and suck the life out of those tits”
“And so what do you have to say now, 50 years later to the day seeing me wear it again?”
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.
“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago.”
“Well,” the old lady snickers, “what do you say, should we get naked?”
The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table.
“You know, honey,” the little old lady says slyly, “My nipples are still just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.”
“I’m not surprised,” replies the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”
An old couple celebrates their 50th anniversary at a restaurant that they used to regularly go on dates too. It was a particularly fancy establishment and a few drinks into their visit, the elderly husband stood from his seat, looks around and asks his wife, “Do you think we should go behind this place and relive our first time here, like against the fences?”
With a smile and a nod, the wife agrees and they venture outside and into the alley around the restaurant. Not long afterward, a bike patrol cop rolls past the alleyway and hears the most intense love-making session known to man, the couples’ shouts echoing into the street. He flashed his headlights onto the couple just after they had finished and with a puzzled look, he asked “What are you two doing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple go at it with such passion and intensity in all my years.”
The old man, pulling his pants up and buckling his belt, replied, “Yeah, well fifty years ago this place didn’t have electrified fences here.”
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary.
They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening.
The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband.
Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked.
The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, “Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago.”
The man replies, “That`s because they are sitting in your soup.”
A man in a restaurant overhears an elderly couple next to him celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
“Dear do you remember 50 years ago when I proposed to you right here in this same spot?” the old man asks caressing his wife’s hand.
“Yes honey I do remember.” she replies smiling.
“Do you remember after you said yes we went out back and made passionate love?” he asks with a devilish grin.
“Oh yes I remember.” she answers coyly.
“Want to do it again?”
The younger man overhearing this watches as the old lady nods enthusiastically and grabbing their canes the elderly couple head out the back entrance. Glancing around to see if anyone else has noticed he decides to follow them, not believing what the elderly couple are doing.
He peeks out the back door into the ally and freezes in astonishment at what he observes. The old lady is bent over grabbing a fence with her dress hiked up while behind her the old man has his trousers around his ankles and is thrusting vigorously. The old couple scream and moan as they make wild passionate love for over 30 minutes finally collapsing to the ground covered in sweat, their chests heaving from the exertion.
The young man rushes up as the elderly pair lay gasping and exclaims, “My God are you alright? I don’t want to seem like a pervert but I am in shock how after 50 years and at your age you can still make love like that!”
The grey haired lady tries to compose herself, smoothing out her dress she looks up from the ground and haggardly replies,”You’re in shock? 50 years ago that fucking fence wasn’t electrified!”