Mabel and Irving have their 50th wedding anniversary. And at the beginning of their marriage 50 years before, they had both solemnly sworn to each other to provide the other with a desired sexual favor on their 50th anniversary, no questions asked. Irving, being pushy, insists on getting his favor first. He knows his wife is a prude so whatever she asks for probably won’t be kinky or wild.
She resignedly agrees, and says “all right what is it you want Irving”
Irving says “well I’ve always wanted you to suck my cock and take my cum in your mouth. I know you’ve never liked that so I’ve always wanted it” Mabel hems and haws at first, but then Irving reminds her in no uncertain terms that the favor was to be no questions asked, so she reluctantly does her duty.
Irving fucks her face roughly for a few minutes and then shoots his load right into her mouth, gagging her as he finishes. He sighs contentedly as he does his pants back up and says “okay then wife, what is it that you would like?”
Without missing a beat, Mabel stands up and says
“GIVE USH A KISH!”
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?” Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go pick her up.”
A couple was married for 50 years. And from the first day of their marriage the wife put a chest in their bedroom. It was a tough chest, impossible to open. 50 years the husband tried to open it, but nothing worked. The wife didn’t tell him what was in there either. So at the 50th anniversary of their marriage the wife(W) decided to show her husband(H) what was she hiding in there all those years. She opened the chest and there 3 chocolate bars and 50k dollars.
H: – What’s that?
W: – Well you see. Everytime I cheated on you, I put a chocolate bar in the chest.
H: – To be honest, that’s a hell of the news you are telling me right now. But 3 chocolates in 50 years is not that bad after all. But what’s with all the money?
W: – Well you see. Everytime I got a pound of chocolate, I sold them.
A young couple gets married and on their honeymoon, the young man asks his bride for a blow job. She refuses, saying “I’m afraid if I do that you won’t respect me anymore”. The husband assures her he would always respect her but she refuses.
Every year, on their anniversary the man makes the same request and the wife refuses each time, using the same answer that “If I do that, you won’t respect me anymore”.
On their 50th anniversary, she finally relents, thinking that since their time is almost up here on this world, and the fact that he’s never once showed any disrespect to her, she would grant him this request. He was ecstatic about this!
After she gave him his blow job, as they were laying in the bed cuddling each other, the phone rang. He reached over and answered it. He turned to her, handed her the phone and said “It’s for you, you old cocksucker.”
An elderly man walks into a bar. He hears the other patrons discussing marriage. “My wife and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary next week,” he proudly tells them. “That’s wonderful,” one of the others says, “What’s your secret for a long and happy marriage?” “Well, you’ve got to do nice things for her,” he explains. “Such as what?” the others ask. “Well, for example for our 25th anniversary I took her to Ireland.” “That is nice,” they others agree. “What are you doing for your 50th?” “Going back to visit her.”
If you like the list, share among your peeps. If we miss any jokes from Funniest 50th Anniversary Jokes Clean to Laugh Out Loud, Comment below.