I’m laying here as motionless as a stone. They don’t suspect anything. That’s the beauty of it. Being perfectly still throughout the centuries has lulled the living into a false sense of security. When billions of corpses behaved the exact same way because of ‘the stillness rules’, it instills absolute confidence we are vacant vessels. They’d never believe we could get back up, just like when we were alive. Frankly, I’d love to see the look on their faces. It would be ‘the bomb’.

I’d rise slowly and growl while climbing off the autopsy table, just like in horror movies. While they pissed their pants and ran screaming, I’d murmur ‘Brainnssss’. It would be epic! People would shriek and cry in terror. I’d be sure to lumber around with a stiff, uncoordinated gait to complete the stereotypical ‘zombie’ facade. If I violate the stationary rule, then all my unbreathing peers throughout the hospital will surely break character and do the same. It’ll become a full-on flash-mob ‘outbreak’!

We’ll lumber around and press elevator buttons while cornering nurses. It’s not like I want to cause the living to join us, prematurely. That’s a huge ‘no no’. Even I wouldn’t violate that rule. I’m just a joker with an itch to cause ‘harmless’ mischief. Surely they’d understand. If it was properly handled, it could be explained as religious hysteria or ‘involuntary reflexes’. Most would buy that. After all, in the history of the world, not one has ever broken the stillness rule. I’d be a pioneer!

That morgue assistant seems nervous. I don’t know if she’s afraid of being around the dead, or if she’s worried her inexperience might show in from of the coroner. Either way, let’s see what happens when I wiggle my toe. With any luck, I can get a full shriek! It’ll be hilarious. That’s not even a full-on break of ‘the rule’. They allow involuntary twitches.

Awesome! Did you see? She tore out of the room like a spooked toddler! It’s all I can do to not grin. She yelling for the medical examiner to come see. Just to screw with her a little more, I’ll be perfectly still when he’s watching but as soon as he looks away, I’ll put on a ‘show’. I’ll grab her behind when she’s cutting me open. Then I’ll wink with a ‘deadeye’. It’ll be hilarious! Barney on the table to my right is about to bust a gut. Of course that wouldn’t take much after his failed abdominal surgery but he’s still amused. Just look at the guy.

I know I’ll catch a lot of heat for this ‘rule breaking’ and misbehaving but everyone loves a clown, dead or not. Well, maybe not ‘everyone’ but even the living would find my shenanigans funny if they were let in on the joke. Unfortunately that’s another big ‘no no’. The BIGGEST one. We’ve gotta keep my plans strictly between us, ok? By the way, what brought you here to your table?

Source – Reddit