Written by 05:45 Short Stories

Mr Kale and the hole.

eing stuck inside this hole wasn’t easy. ‘Especially for the past decade’ thought Mr. Kale. Of course, how he got trapped was an altogether

Mr Kale and the hole.

Christie Thomas

Being stuck inside this hole wasn’t easy. ‘Especially for the past decade’ thought Mr. Kale. Of course, how he got trapped was altogether an entertaining story. So gather around ladies, gents and all’ ya bloody nymphs and toads. That’s better.

Mr. Kale was an exceptional plump man with his own beer brand and ale factory. He was the big boss of his town and has launched the new ‘menthol-flavored beer. Which instantly became a big blast and the sales literally rocketed. To the skies. Don’t know how that bloody happened, don’t ask.

His adverts were very catchy: drinks to yer stomach’s content, and kiss ya wife with a fresh blooming breath. Now, who wouldn’t want that except the ladies? *coughs* Maybe be ladies who like ladies.

Mr. Kale himself had a sweet wife with who he did some la de da de da and out came two little plump boys who leave havoc wherever their crafty hands touch. Almost like some bizarre evil magic. The unwanted type that Mr. and Mrs. Kale could live without.

Mr. Kale was advised by some very intelligent physicians that he should go and find a witch doctor. You know the type of doctor that has spent 6 years studying weirdity and came out with a medical degree. The don’t-know-what-this-is-lets-solve-it with-not-advisable-methods. I’m just kidding they didn’t go to an actual medical school pfft…they went to wizardry school. Duh!

Anyway, Mr. Kale thought why not. I have money, I am famous there is nothing I can’t have. So he with his menthol-beer flavor money set off to find one. His kids packed in the boot with oxygen tanks strapped all for the safety of the people in the car. This my audience was not an easy task.

They found one. he did what the witch doctor told him. Boil two eggs and chop up some onions and catch the tears of the father in a vial and place it with salt and keep aside or display it whatever you like. Make cheese on toast, fry bacon, and sausage. Filter the oil and then throw it away just for fun. Inspect the eggs closely to see if there is any sign of life. If there isn’t you have succeeded step one. The next step is the most crucial. Make the boys eat the lifeless eggs, the crispy toast, the fried bacon and well-done sausages. If they don’t eat all then they are very sick and its incurable. But if they do then your boys have lived yet another day. Mr. Kale was so overjoyed and gave away all his fortune to establish an institution for all future witch doctors. He called it ‘Kale’s Medical Witches’. ‘KMW’ for short. So fancy I know.

Of course, the kids eat every bit of that lifeless breakfast and slept well. This Mr. Kale and Mrs. Kale took as a sign that the boys have been cured.

However, soon the menthol-beer flavor became a huge failure and rocketed in the same direction as gravity. The slogan became: drink menthol beer have vomit and get slapped by ya angry wives. And soon after, Mr. Kale fell into a hole and since hasn’t been able to get out. He was stuck in a FINANCIAL hole.