We at WTF Detective have compiled a list of Newborn baby jokes. Also we have added Cute Baby Jokes and Hilarious Baby Jokes. You need a laugh, We got you.
Newborn Baby Jokes
A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
The logiciam says, “Yes.”
I have lost 8 pounds!
My sister is less pleased, though. In fact, she is absolutely livid and telling me to find her newborn baby.
My iPhone 8 Plus is just like a newborn baby
…except I drop it a lot less
What’s a newborns favorite A/C setting?
What do you call a newborn baby?
Anything you want.
Why was the Asian father disappointed with their newborn child?
He found out their blood type is A-.
A woman fell pregnant to a horrible, violent man.
She decided to leave him and raise the baby on her own, rather than have it turn out like its father, and so she moved far away and settled in for 9 months. She went to the doctor and asked him how she could make her baby nicer, and he told her to sit down for an hour a day and teach her stomach manners, to prep him or her before the baby is even born.
So every day for the next 9 months, the woman would sit quietly and tell her belly “Be nice to other people, always put others first, and always say please, and thank-you.”
She never missed a day in 9 months, and the due date came and went, no baby!
The woman continued to wait for her newborn, and continued to teach her belly manners and politeness every day, but as days, weeks, months and years passed, the baby never came!
Finally, 65 years later when the woman finally passed away in her sleep, the doctors performed an autopsy on her body.
They cut open her belly and found 2 little old men with big long white beards, continually saying to each other:
“You go first!”
“No, you go first!”
A man and a woman got a baby. After a year the baby starts to say some words. One evening she yelled, grandpa! After 2 days the baby’s grandpa dies. The funeral happens and the parents are sad and confused. He was a healthy man and had no illness. After a week the baby yells, grandma! After 2 days the baby’s grandma dies. The funeral happens and the parents are sad and confused once again, the grandma was healthy and had no illness. The family finds it kind of strange and they start to believe the baby is causing the deaths. After a week she yells, daddy! The whole family starts crying and prepare for a funeral. On the day of the funeral, nothing happens and after a while, they found out that their neighbor died.
I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep.
Apparently she isn’t a big Zeppelin fan.
The oldest kid asked her mother. “Mom, why did you name me Feather?”
Mom: “I named you Feather because when you were a newborn a feather landed on your head”
The second oldest kid named Leaf asked the same.
Mom: “I named you Leaf because when you were a newborn a leaf landed on your head”
The youngest kid came running over: “kahduken habala shlong a shiling!!!”
Mom: “Please just shut up, Fridge”
What’s the difference between my newborn and a bag of meth?
I would never purposely drop my bag of meth.